When TJ and I started dating, I was happy. I didn't worry about what I ate. I didn't worry about working out so much. Over the last seven years my weight has fluctuated constantly between 215 and 235. No baby fat this time. Just lots of junk food and minimal exercise. Every now and then I get gung-ho about working out and eating right. I lose some weight, feel better about myself, and fall back into old habits, perpetuating an endless cycle.
When I turned 29, I promised myself that I would get back down to 185lbs before I turned 30. This time, I would keep it off. I wanted to live the rest of my life not worrying about my weight. That was the best birthday present I could give to myself. The day I turned 30, I was no closer to that goal than I was on the day I turned 29.
Tomorrow, the 365 Challenge turns 30. Tonight, I weighed myself. I was shocked to learn that I am now 249lbs. One pound shy of what I remember as my heaviest. I don't think I look as fat as I did in college. Baby fat looks different than adult fat. Even so, there is no arguing that I'm a big boy.
I took a photo tonight, but I'm too embarrassed to show it to you right now. It's a picture of me, first episode of The Biggest Loser style. At some point in the future, I will show you this photo. It will happen at one of two milestones: either when I reach my goal of 185lbs, or when the 365 Challenge hits its 365th Day...whichever comes first.
I wasn't going to post a photo at all tonight, but TJ reminded me that the point of the 365 Challenge was to post a photo every single day. He said holding onto it for later was cheating. He was right.
I reminded him that many of our coworkers read this blog. I reminded him that many of my friends read this blog. He didn't care. He said posting the photo would be ballsy. He didn't think I could do it. He was right about that, too.
But I hate it when someone tells me I can't do something. So, in the meantime, here's the blurriest and least mortifying I could make the photo that I am holding onto for a later date.
I realize that I have just admitted something to the world that I try to keep hidden. I realize that I have just challenged myself to something that could end in my utter embarrassment.
I'm ok with that. I think.