365 Challenge, Day 75: What the Hell is Wrong With You People?

No fewer than four teenagers have committed suicide in the past month as a result of anti-gay bullying.

18-year-old Tyler Clementi (New Brunswick, NJ) ended his own life by jumping off of the George Washington Bridge after his Rutgers University roommate Dharun Ravi and accomplice Molly Wei posted images of Clementi being intimate with another male on the internet. Twice. Clementi was a gifted violinist.

15-year-old Billy Lucas (Greensburg, IN) was bullied and tormented constantly during his time at Greensburg High School. Billy ended his life after being suspended for cursing at his tormentors. Billy loved animals. He spent his last remaining hours on earth with his horses. He ended his suffering via hanging. He used one of his horse's leads.

13-year-old Asher Brown (Houston, TX) ended his life by self-inflicted gunshot wound after officials at Hamilton Middle school ignored family pleas to end two year's worth of bullying. Unlike many states, Texas has no law that prohibits bullying and harassment based on sexual orientation.

13-year-old Seth Walsh (Tehachapi, CA) attempted suicide via hanging. He died after nine days of life support. Despite claims of having an anti-bullying program in place, staff members at Jacobsen Middle School have been accused of offering no protection or guidance by Walsh's schoolmates.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It breaks my heart to know that these four young men thought that life couldn't get any better for them.

I was bullied in high school. Not to the point that I thought I had no options, but definitely to the extent that I was emotionally hurt. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Fortunately, I was able to look beyond all of that and envision a day that I would be free of the restraints of high school.

That day comes sooner than you think. You just have to hang in there.

But what I want to know, is what the HELL is wrong with the parents of today's teenagers? Where are these kids learning these behaviors from? At 13, 15, and 18, their parents can't be THAT much older than I am. I have apparently been living under the misconception that my generation was going to be the one that changed EVERYTHING. But these kids aren't learning these behaviors on their own. Somebody's teaching this hatred.

Meanwhile, other parents aren't telling their children that they love them no matter what. That there is no problem that a family can't overcome together. That they are proud of them. That it's okay to be different.

Tyler Clementi's death angers me the most. At 18, he was on the cusp of greatness. He was at a point in his life that he could have escaped the hatred, ignorance, and bigotry that surrounded him. He could have sought help from campus counselors. He could have transferred to another school. But he chose suicide.

But it's Asher Brown that terrifies me. Asher grew up in Texas, just like me. I was seldom bullied, often teased, but never tormented. Are things getting worse? Of course they are. four suicides in the span of 30 days tells me that. The question is...why?

Here is my personal plea to all of you out there that are raising children:

You don't have to approve of homosexuality, but please teach your children to be tolerant of others. And please tell them that you love them, no matter what. Because they could be gay, too.

365 Challenge, Day 18: One Step Closer

These are the rings that TJ and I share. We wear them as a symbol of our love just as a heterosexual couple would.

But there is no marriage to act as a legally binding contract of our union. We cannot file our taxes together. I am not covered under his government sponsored health insurance. We had to fill out special forms when we purchased our home to ensure that neither of our families could take advantage of the survivor if one of us were to die unexpectedly.

The federal government has not yet deemed it necessary to intervene in the individual states' right to decide on this matter. That may change soon.

This afternoon, CNN broke the news that California's Proposition 8 has been overturned. Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker has ruled that banning same-sex marriage is unconstitutional. There will, of course, be an appeal. I doubt it will bear fruit. Prop 8 has lost many of its initial supporters, including Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Should the appeals fail, it is very likely that this matter will quickly make its way to the Supreme Court...where it belongs.

Hatred, intolerance, and paranoia still exist. The fight is not over. But the GLBT community won a major battle today.

365 Challenge, Day 9: Reflection of Mortality

When we made the decision to join the Foreign Service, one of our biggest concerns was that the United States government continues to ignore the validity of same-sex relationships. The Obama administration has made some noticeable improvements in this area when it comes to State Department employees and their spouses, but there are still gaps that need to be filled.

Under Secretary Clinton, the partners of Foreign Service Officers are now counted as Eligible Family Members (EFMs), which impacts the square footage provided to the FSO's in their overseas assignments. I now qualify for emergency evacuation in times of crisis. I am able to get a job in a consulate or embassy and earn a salary in US dollars vs. local currency. I am provided all of the tools necessary to learn the language spoken at our post.

Our biggest concern is the continued inability for me to obtain health care benefits under TJ's plan. It is not enough to be an EFM. We must be in a federally recognized marriage for me to qualify for health care. What this means is that, unlike any other spouse, I must find employment when we leave the country. It means that, when I quit my job in September to start language training, I will either be without medical coverage, or will have to pay higher premiums for private coverage.

For the most part, I have always been healthy. One of the stipulations for TJ receiving his worldwide security clearance was that we both had to pass a stringent physical examination. Everything came up perfectly well for both of us.

I have always said that, barring any unfortunate attacks by a burro, there should not be immediate need for health care in Mexico.

Saturday night, I found a lump on my groin.

There was no pain. There was no visible sore/wound. There was no discoloration. But it was there. It was marble-sized. And it didn't belong.

I did some Internet research, and was comforted by the fact that testicular cancer is, well, on the testicles. Further research caused an upswing in panic when I read about swollen lymph nodes in the groin area.

As a rule, when swelling appears suddenly and is painful, it is usually caused by injury or an infection.

Enlargement that comes on gradually and painlessly may result from malignancy or tumor.

It was Saturday night. I had no choice but to sit on this until Monday morning. I called a few doctor's offices and was fortunate enough to find an opening this afternoon.

As I sat waiting for the doctor, I realized that I had never been so terrified in my life. I lifted my head and caught sight of my haggard face in the mirror. A few months ago I pondered the significance of turning 30. THIS is the significance that I failed to find then. Getting older means being more aware of the things your body tells you.

Thankfully, everything turned out alright in the end. I'm embarrassed to have gotten so worked up over a mild skin infection. Even more embarrassed to admit that the Nurse Practitioner thinks I irritated a few hair follicles during some routine "manscaping," thereby causing the infection. She thinks I will be OK after a few days on antibiotics. She did say that, had I not come in when I did, it probably would have gotten pretty ugly, so there's some vindication in that, I suppose. I've had ingrown hairs before. They don't look like this. So, whatever.

I should probably be mortified sharing this story. But we all have our hypochondriac moments. And you know what? It could just as easily have been something serious.

I'm not going to get attacked by a burro. It's time to lay that joke to rest. But I could have a car accident. I could fall down the stairs. I could get stabbed or shot in a street robbery. I don't have cancer. But I could. And where would I be then? Less than two months away from quitting my job, and with no health coverage, that's where.

Agree or disagree with the rights of individuals to love whoever they chose. Everyone deserves access to health care.