Why I Don’t Speak Arabic

When we arrived in the Metro DC area waaaay back in February 2010, TJ was beginning his shiny new career as a U.S. Diplomat and I was wrapping mine up as a Quality Analyst for Express Scripts, Inc.  After begging and pleading for several months, I had convinced my bosses to allow me to telecommute, which I did for approximately six months before bowing out to study some Spanish in the last couple of months leading up to our arrival in Mexico.  The upside of being a diplomat’s significant other is that you get to travel the world and learn languages for free.  The downside is that, unlike the diplomat, you don’t get paid for that free language training.

Weighing the pros and cons, we had decided it was best for me to not take the full six month Spanish course and instead focus on paying down my credit card and saving up what I could, as at that time we weren’t certain what type of employment opportunities would be available in Mexico.   As it turned out, I paid off the credit card, saved next to nothing, and found work almost immediately at the consulate.  Everything worked out more or less as planned…except I didn’t speak much Spanish and that would prove to be a constant thorn in both of our sides for the next two years as we endeavored to grow a social circle beyond the realm of our new consulate family.  Lots of people spoke English.  Lots didn’t.  It made for some strained conversation.  I didn’t feel any more out of place than the other Eligible Family Members who had received positions at post, though…their Spanish wasn’t so hot, either. 

When we began bidding on our second assignment, we were both in agreement that I would take the full language course this time around.  We rolled out of Guadalajara in mid-October and arrived in Northern Virginia several days later, eager to begin nine months of coupled language training. 

Things began well enough.  We started off in a larger group of nine before eventually being broken off into smaller classes.  We found ourselves in a class with another couple that was headed to Kuwait.  Class was challenging but oh so rewarding when you had a good day.  I hated the teachers that made me study so much but loved the me that was learning such a hard language. 

Then in December our tenants of 2.5 years decided not to renew their lease and we discovered that  lots of repairs were needed before new tenants could move into our Orlando home.  Painting, carpet cleaning, lawn maintenance, pest control, yadda, yadda, yadda.  Suddenly, we found ourselves missing that dual income.    

Then I got the flu right before our January 9^th wedding.  I missed a full week of class.  When I returned, I had no idea what was going on and was suddenly dragging behind the pack.  I stuck it out for another month but never managed to get my groove back.  The house was still vacant.

Annoyed with my lack of progress, bitter because I’d rather have learned Hebrew anyway (try being a non-Hebrew speaking Jewish convert that moves to another country like, oh, say, Mexico where he can’t speak Spanish very well and then try to go to a synagogue.  Completely lost.), confident in the fact that many Israelis speak English, and not feeling the joy of the penny pinching that the empty house was causing, I made the decision to forego my Arabic studies and return to the workforce.  Within a week I had found a great position at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center.

Whether it was the best decision to make in terms of my Israeli social life, I can’t say yet.  I’ll let you know in a few months.  But it was definitely the right decision to make for our pocketbook.  The house remained vacant until mid-March.  The new tenants immediately proved themselves to be a bit…fussy is a nice word.  They wanted/needed several other repairs.

The roof leaked.  The mailbox disappeared.  The house was robbed and a window needed to be replaced.  The roof leaked again.  The washing machine had a leak.  It went on and on and on. 

It was not until mid-June that we received any sort of rental income, and it was only ½ of a normal month’s rent.  Five months without rental income.  That’s a huge chunk of change. 

I studied Arabic for a little over three months.  That was not a huge chunk of time as far as Arabic goes.  Had it been Spanish, I would have been halfway to the finish line.  With Arabic, that’s only 1/3 of the way.  I told myself I would do self study, but I didn’t.  Those characters mean nothing to me without the context provided by a classroom.  Sadly, I feel that it is very much a use-it-or-lose-it situation.  Here I sit on the backend of four months out of class and I find myself struggling to remember some of the stuff I’ve learned.  Maybe I’ll work on it in Israel.  Or perhaps I’ll take that Hebrew class I had wanted in the first place.  Maybe I’ll dabble in both.  Or maybe I’ll just write them both off and work to improve my Spanish, as we want to return to Latin America one day.     

Of course, I’m presently more concerned about what happens when my work contract ends in a couple of weeks and then the side of the house decides to fall off. 

Foreign Service Life: Things I Wish I Had Known A Year Ago

Wow, I can't believe it's been a year already. Or should I say that I can't believe it's only been a year?

Two very different statements, to be sure, but both accurately reflect how I feel as I look back on the past 12 months of our lives in the Foreign Service. So much has happened in such a short amount of time that it completely boggles my mind.

When we arrived in Falls Church, VA on February 11, 2010, I had no idea what to expect. All I knew was that I wasn't in Florida anymore.

There were plenty of things I didn't know, though. Things that would have made the past year easier. It's impossible to write a letter to my past self, but I would like to share some things that I feel could be potentially beneficial to new Foreign Service Families.

HOUSING: If you aren't happy at Oakwood, relax. Overseas housing is generally much nicer than your temporary DC abode. I don't make this statement based solely on our experience, but also on the numerous photos I have seen on Facebook and in other FS blogs. Also, don't be discouraged by the decor...make it your own. Some (not all) posts are able to take furniture back to storage. What this means is that you can bring/buy your own stuff to give your new home a splash of personal style. We've recently purchased new couches and a lamp, and will certainly continue adding to the house over time. In fact, we sent back an entire bedroom's worth of stuff in anticipation of a future makeover.

UAB/HHE: Carefully consider what items you place in your Unaccompanied Baggage and Household Effects shipments. We were newbies and had no clue what to do. Our UAB consisted of all of the clothes that wouldn't fit in our suitcases, and all of our pots and pans, linens, and small household appliances. Granted, it took a month longer than it should have for our UAB to arrive, so we were living out of our suitcases anyway....but once the UAB did arrive, we found ourselves wishing we had thrown some movies, books, board games, etc in there. Typically, the Embassy/Consulate will provide you with a welcome kit that contains household essentials like pots and pans, linens, and small household appliances. This is supposed to tide you over until your HHE arrives. What this means is that you don't need to pack this stuff with your UAB. Use your UAB for your clothes and a few fun items to entertain yourself with as you acclimate to your new home and await your larger HHE shipment.

UAB/HHE (Part 2): Oh, and don't be too attached to your stuff. After sitting in a non-climate controlled facility for months, then traveling thousands of miles, you might find that some of your stuff arrives damaged...or in some cases, not at all. We lucked out with minimal damage (mild marring of some cardboard DVD cases), though we've heard some strange stories from other people.

PERSONAL TRANSPORTATION: If you own a car, and are married or partnered, make sure that any vehicle that you want to bring to post is in the officer's name...and do it early. The US government is currently unable/unwilling to ship a vehicle overseas that does not list the FSO as owner or co-owner on the title. If you are an officer and your spouse/partner is sole owner on the title, have the conversation today about either transferring ownership or selling the current vehicle and buying a new one together. Title transfers take time, and this is not something you want to be dealing with any later than two months prior to departure.

EMPLOYMENT: One of our chief concerns in starting this new life was that we would be leaving a life in which we had always been able to carry each other on our insurance policies. As of this writing, same-sex partners (and even unmarried heterosexual couples) are unable to enjoy federal benefit coverage as domestic partners. As such, finding employment at post was crucial. Depending on the post, there will either be several, a couple, or no jobs available. This is something they tell the spouses early on, so as not to create unrealistic expectations. From what I can tell, with rare exception, if you are going to get a job at post, it will happen once you arrive at post. Feel free to apply while in DC, but don't become disheartened if you are not selected to fill a particular position. It may not be your location, not your qualifications, that are limiting you. A bird in hand is worth two in the bush, after all.

EMPLOYMENT (PART 2): I did not want to work in the Embassy/Consulate. No sir, no way, no how. This was TJ's career choice, not mine. I was happy to follow along and reap the benefits of a life abroad, but I didn't want to get absorbed into the government life myself. Sure I needed insurance, so I of course had to work there. But I wasn't going to like it. Except, I do like it. I love it. My current job responsibilities are admittedly routine but undoubtedly interesting. I learn something new every day, get to practice my mediocre Spanish, and contribute to the mission goals in a tangible way. And, after 1.5 months of sitting at home without internet, tv, or, well, anything, it was great to get out of the house and socialize. I have met some of the nicest, most interesting people since I started working at the consulate on December 20th. As comfortable as I was with my life in Orlando, with the handful of good friends that I had there, it's impossible to deny that this new life, especially when you actively participate in mission affairs, allows you to meet a larger quantity, quality, and variety of people than you ever could living in the states....or sitting on your keister at home while the officers do there thing at work. In fact, I should have posted this yesterday, but I was out at a happy hour and tequila tasting with my new office mates.

PETS: Oy, this one is so hard to talk about. I love my babies, I really do. In fact, our ability to bring them with us was one of our selection criteria for our first post. But between having to dope them up on Benadryl (at vet recommendation) and stop every four hours for a potty break to get them to DC last February, and all of the money, stress, and time involved in getting them to Mexico in December, I just simply don't know if we will be able to bring them with us consistently. Mexico was a bit of a hassle because everyone was dealing with a new process, so maybe we'll give it one more go just to be certain...but right now it's not looking so hot. If we don't bring them, I'm going to make grandma take care of them. We love them too much to not keep them in the family. But spending thousands of dollars to ship three pets every two years is untenable. I guess what I can say on the matter is that, as a pet owner, I understand how precious your four legged friends are. Just make sure you are committed to the expenses involved. And if you aren't a pet owner yet, please do your research before taking the leap.

DOMESTIC STAFF: Buyer beware is all I can say about this one. Sometimes you'll find good help. Sometimes you'll find bad help. And sometimes you'll just find good help that will steal your iPad.

PERSONAL IDENTITY: Moving to Falls Church, VA meant that TJ had finally achieved his goal of joining the Foreign Service. But what did the fruition of his goal mean for me? It meant that I had to leave my home, my friends, my job, my life...and what, exactly, did that say about me? At the time, I guess I thought it meant that I was less of a contributor to our family. That what I had to offer wasn't as important. That even I didn't care about my life, if I was so willing to say goodbye to it. Sure, I was excited to partake in the adventure, but part of me felt resentful about the whole thing. It led to a few pretty heated arguments, all of which have thankfully come to a positive, constructive conclusion. Some families aren't so lucky. For all of you trailing spouses, EFMs (Eligible Family Members, and MOHs (Members of Household) out there, all I can say is that you are important. Not just to the officer that you are accompanying, but to the mission as a whole. Your presence should bring peace and happiness to your home. It should create an island in the storm, an escape from the stress of work, a happy reminder of days gone by in a previous life. For the Foreign Service community as a whole, you are a reminder of why the officers are here in the first place: to protect the interests of Americans at home and abroad. You are why they do what they do. Leaving your old life behind doesn't mean that it wasn't important, and it doesn't mean that you have nothing to offer. Anyone that is willing to leave it all behind is a person with strong character and a heart full of love and adventure. Swallow your pride. Your energy can be channeled into something positive, whether that be finding employment, continuing your education, or helping those in need. Never forget that.

LANGUAGE STUDIES: If you are moving to a country that requires the study of a foreign language, then by all means, STUDY THE LANGUAGE. Officers are of course required to become proficient, but family members have an option. TJ and I decided that what would be best for us would be for me to continue working remotely for our first six months in DC, then take a two-month intensive Spanish course right before leaving for Guadalajara. Great in theory, but this course of action resulted in the arguments mentioned above, and, worst of all, a minimal understanding of Spanish on my part. Next time, I'm taking the full course. You should, to.

And this leads us to the final thing everyone should know.

MISTAKES WILL HAPPEN. You just have to roll with the punches and learn from your experiences so that things will run smoothly (hopefully) when you transition to your next post.

365 Challenge, Day 48: The Fruits of My Labors

Perhaps even more shocking than the fact that I managed to work my entire last day of work without bailing early was the knock on my door early this afternoon. My amazing co-workers have wished me a fond farewell courtesy of Edible Arrangements. Thanks guys! I love you all!

By working remotely from our State Department-provided apartment in Falls Church, VA these past six months, I have been able to hold on to a semblance of our old life in Orlando.

Today, I cut the cord. Today was my last day working for CuraScript. On Tuesday, I throw myself into two months of intensive language training. In November, I move to Guadalajara. By February, I will have been living away form Orlando for an entire year.

Our new life has been underway for six months now. Only I wasn't fully invested in it. I didn't have to be. I was still tied to Orlando. Now, I have no choice but to be completely involved. There's no going back now. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

365 Challenge, Day 11: When You Work From Home, Your Co-Workers Suck

The picture before you is of my workstation. I spend 8(ish) hour a day, 5(ish) days a week working at or around this desk. In my apartment. Alone. Isolated.

I have been with my current employer for almost five years. My 5th anniversary would be on October 31, but I will not be around that long. My language training starts on September 7th, and that in itself will be a full-time job.

During that almost five years of loyalty I have held many titles within the organization. In June of 2009 I accepted an offer to join the company's Quality Assurance team. It was this decision that proved to be my greatest contribution later when TJ joined the Foreign Service. Of all the positions that I have held (and wanted to hold), this is the only one that would have allowed me to easily continue working. As previously discussed, this was important not only because it allowed us to continue being a dual-income household, but because it was the only way to ensure that we both had uninterrupted health coverage.

I should be thankful. My team consists of myself and five others. I am the only one that has been granted the privilege of working from home, and this is only because of my unique situation. The offer to allow me to work from home was contingent upon my continuing to make a positive contribution to the team and understanding that the offer was valid only so long as I remained in the country.

Great. No problem.

Only, I didn't realize how much I needed human interaction. I've always been a bit of an introvert. I like my alone time. I thought working from home would be great. But it's not. I know some of my peers would like to work from home, but if the opportunity is ever presented, I truly think they should give it a trial run before making that decision.

I miss the sage advice Glinda would often provide (solicited or not). I miss walking to the cafeteria with Shalinn and Shauna in the morning...always buying that nasty breakfast burrito and vowing never to do it again. I miss not understanding a word that Josh and Ron ever said. I miss the way Nikki always laughed at everything she said. I miss the non-work related chats with the boss-lady, Senaida. I miss being able to wander off for a few minutes and chit chat with familiar faces throughout the building.

No matter how much you love yourself, you kinda suck when you're the only person around to talk to.

Glinda the Good

One of the greatest joys of working is finding the few diamonds in the rough amongst your co-workers...the people that you truly enjoy and would gladly welcome into your personal life. I was fortunate enough to find a couple of those at my current job, and this post is about one of them.

Glinda is a sweetheart. Loving wife. Mother of two. Grandmother of one. She consistently goes out of her way to help people. She once handed me two $25 gift cards and a box of chocolate liqueur candies, just because. She gave her sister an entire living rooms set...the one she had just purchased for her own house. She is raising her grandson. On my last day working in Orlando, she baked the most delicious lasagna I have ever eaten.

I didn't get the opportunity to spend much time with her outside of work, and that was probably my own fault. Although I enjoy spending time with my co-workers, I'm always hesitant to get too close to them. I like to keep it professional, to a fault. I did have the pleasure of having her over for dinner a couple of weeks before the move. TJ made his Paula Deen fried chicken, she brought a bottle of wine, and I just ate and drank to my heart's content. It was a pleasant evening, and I instantly wished that there had been more of them.

My final day in the office, right before she left for the day, Glinda handed me a note. As I read the note, she told me that if I held onto it long enough, maybe one day I would find it when I needed it most, and think of her. I gave her a hug, and tucked the note into my desk calendar. I told her that no matter what, I would find it in August 2010 at the very least.

Living in Northern Virginia has not been the thrill ride I had hoped for. Working from home has its challenges (loneliness chief among them) and I am of course concerned about what I will do once we move overseas. The dogs are having difficulty readjusting to apartment living and bark at the slightest noise in the hallway. TJ works a lot. Traffic is horrible. I miss my friends. I could complain more, but you get the picture. I'm not miserable, but I'm not perky either.

Today was moving day, part deux. When we initially moved in, our two bedroom unit was not available. Today, after three delays, it was finally ready. TJ is out of town on a work retreat, which left the moving chores to me. On what was probably my 20th trip downstairs to the new apartment, I heard a rustle of paper behind me. I looked down and realized that I was carrying my desk calendar. Glinda's note had fallen out...a whole five months early, but just when I needed it. Here is what it said:

"Someday, some time from now, if you happen to come across this note, just remember: enjoy the journey, because what matters the most in life are the memories we create. They are our mental time capsule, so fill it up!"

Glinda's right. When I look back on my time in the Metro DC area, I don't want to remember feeling grumpy, culture shocked, lonely, or out of place. I want to remember feeling happy, excited, loved, and adventurous.

At least I HAVE a job in this troubled economy. The dogs are just trying to protect us. DC offers excellent public transportation. I don't have many friends in the area, but the ones I do have are amazing, and I'm meeting more people all the time. TJ works a lot, but he's doing it for us...and living abroad will of course be the experience of a lifetime.

It's time to start filling up that time capsule. Thanks, Glinda!

Requiem for a Snowman

Growing up in a rural area, my parents had the opportunity to flirt with the farmer's life a bit. From time to time we maintained a garden and owned the occasional goat or cow. An important lesson from that time period was not to name your livestock, because it creates an attachment that makes eating or selling said livestock harder at a later date.

Nobody ever told me that you shouldn't name a snowman. Poor Bernard. Silly to be so sad about losing him, but working from home gets lonely. It was nice to be able to open the blinds and see him staring at me from the balcony.

Working from home has its advantages. I get to keep my job, my insurance, and my tenure. I don't have to deal with the hassle of finding a new occupation in an unstable economy. I was able to move to DC without feeling like I had given up my entire existence.

There is another side to this coin, though. I am at home more often than not. When TJ wants to stay in and relax, I'm antsy and eager to get out of the house. By keeping my current job, I maintain contact with my old friends and coworkers but do not have the opportunity to find new ones that I can actually interact with socially. Not having to commute is preventing me from learning the lay of this new land.

And did I mention that the isolation is causing me to talk to snowmen?