Foreign Service Life: Things I Wish I Had Known A Year Ago

Wow, I can't believe it's been a year already. Or should I say that I can't believe it's only been a year?

Two very different statements, to be sure, but both accurately reflect how I feel as I look back on the past 12 months of our lives in the Foreign Service. So much has happened in such a short amount of time that it completely boggles my mind.

When we arrived in Falls Church, VA on February 11, 2010, I had no idea what to expect. All I knew was that I wasn't in Florida anymore.

There were plenty of things I didn't know, though. Things that would have made the past year easier. It's impossible to write a letter to my past self, but I would like to share some things that I feel could be potentially beneficial to new Foreign Service Families.

HOUSING: If you aren't happy at Oakwood, relax. Overseas housing is generally much nicer than your temporary DC abode. I don't make this statement based solely on our experience, but also on the numerous photos I have seen on Facebook and in other FS blogs. Also, don't be discouraged by the decor...make it your own. Some (not all) posts are able to take furniture back to storage. What this means is that you can bring/buy your own stuff to give your new home a splash of personal style. We've recently purchased new couches and a lamp, and will certainly continue adding to the house over time. In fact, we sent back an entire bedroom's worth of stuff in anticipation of a future makeover.

UAB/HHE: Carefully consider what items you place in your Unaccompanied Baggage and Household Effects shipments. We were newbies and had no clue what to do. Our UAB consisted of all of the clothes that wouldn't fit in our suitcases, and all of our pots and pans, linens, and small household appliances. Granted, it took a month longer than it should have for our UAB to arrive, so we were living out of our suitcases anyway....but once the UAB did arrive, we found ourselves wishing we had thrown some movies, books, board games, etc in there. Typically, the Embassy/Consulate will provide you with a welcome kit that contains household essentials like pots and pans, linens, and small household appliances. This is supposed to tide you over until your HHE arrives. What this means is that you don't need to pack this stuff with your UAB. Use your UAB for your clothes and a few fun items to entertain yourself with as you acclimate to your new home and await your larger HHE shipment.

UAB/HHE (Part 2): Oh, and don't be too attached to your stuff. After sitting in a non-climate controlled facility for months, then traveling thousands of miles, you might find that some of your stuff arrives damaged...or in some cases, not at all. We lucked out with minimal damage (mild marring of some cardboard DVD cases), though we've heard some strange stories from other people.

PERSONAL TRANSPORTATION: If you own a car, and are married or partnered, make sure that any vehicle that you want to bring to post is in the officer's name...and do it early. The US government is currently unable/unwilling to ship a vehicle overseas that does not list the FSO as owner or co-owner on the title. If you are an officer and your spouse/partner is sole owner on the title, have the conversation today about either transferring ownership or selling the current vehicle and buying a new one together. Title transfers take time, and this is not something you want to be dealing with any later than two months prior to departure.

EMPLOYMENT: One of our chief concerns in starting this new life was that we would be leaving a life in which we had always been able to carry each other on our insurance policies. As of this writing, same-sex partners (and even unmarried heterosexual couples) are unable to enjoy federal benefit coverage as domestic partners. As such, finding employment at post was crucial. Depending on the post, there will either be several, a couple, or no jobs available. This is something they tell the spouses early on, so as not to create unrealistic expectations. From what I can tell, with rare exception, if you are going to get a job at post, it will happen once you arrive at post. Feel free to apply while in DC, but don't become disheartened if you are not selected to fill a particular position. It may not be your location, not your qualifications, that are limiting you. A bird in hand is worth two in the bush, after all.

EMPLOYMENT (PART 2): I did not want to work in the Embassy/Consulate. No sir, no way, no how. This was TJ's career choice, not mine. I was happy to follow along and reap the benefits of a life abroad, but I didn't want to get absorbed into the government life myself. Sure I needed insurance, so I of course had to work there. But I wasn't going to like it. Except, I do like it. I love it. My current job responsibilities are admittedly routine but undoubtedly interesting. I learn something new every day, get to practice my mediocre Spanish, and contribute to the mission goals in a tangible way. And, after 1.5 months of sitting at home without internet, tv, or, well, anything, it was great to get out of the house and socialize. I have met some of the nicest, most interesting people since I started working at the consulate on December 20th. As comfortable as I was with my life in Orlando, with the handful of good friends that I had there, it's impossible to deny that this new life, especially when you actively participate in mission affairs, allows you to meet a larger quantity, quality, and variety of people than you ever could living in the states....or sitting on your keister at home while the officers do there thing at work. In fact, I should have posted this yesterday, but I was out at a happy hour and tequila tasting with my new office mates.

PETS: Oy, this one is so hard to talk about. I love my babies, I really do. In fact, our ability to bring them with us was one of our selection criteria for our first post. But between having to dope them up on Benadryl (at vet recommendation) and stop every four hours for a potty break to get them to DC last February, and all of the money, stress, and time involved in getting them to Mexico in December, I just simply don't know if we will be able to bring them with us consistently. Mexico was a bit of a hassle because everyone was dealing with a new process, so maybe we'll give it one more go just to be certain...but right now it's not looking so hot. If we don't bring them, I'm going to make grandma take care of them. We love them too much to not keep them in the family. But spending thousands of dollars to ship three pets every two years is untenable. I guess what I can say on the matter is that, as a pet owner, I understand how precious your four legged friends are. Just make sure you are committed to the expenses involved. And if you aren't a pet owner yet, please do your research before taking the leap.

DOMESTIC STAFF: Buyer beware is all I can say about this one. Sometimes you'll find good help. Sometimes you'll find bad help. And sometimes you'll just find good help that will steal your iPad.

PERSONAL IDENTITY: Moving to Falls Church, VA meant that TJ had finally achieved his goal of joining the Foreign Service. But what did the fruition of his goal mean for me? It meant that I had to leave my home, my friends, my job, my life...and what, exactly, did that say about me? At the time, I guess I thought it meant that I was less of a contributor to our family. That what I had to offer wasn't as important. That even I didn't care about my life, if I was so willing to say goodbye to it. Sure, I was excited to partake in the adventure, but part of me felt resentful about the whole thing. It led to a few pretty heated arguments, all of which have thankfully come to a positive, constructive conclusion. Some families aren't so lucky. For all of you trailing spouses, EFMs (Eligible Family Members, and MOHs (Members of Household) out there, all I can say is that you are important. Not just to the officer that you are accompanying, but to the mission as a whole. Your presence should bring peace and happiness to your home. It should create an island in the storm, an escape from the stress of work, a happy reminder of days gone by in a previous life. For the Foreign Service community as a whole, you are a reminder of why the officers are here in the first place: to protect the interests of Americans at home and abroad. You are why they do what they do. Leaving your old life behind doesn't mean that it wasn't important, and it doesn't mean that you have nothing to offer. Anyone that is willing to leave it all behind is a person with strong character and a heart full of love and adventure. Swallow your pride. Your energy can be channeled into something positive, whether that be finding employment, continuing your education, or helping those in need. Never forget that.

LANGUAGE STUDIES: If you are moving to a country that requires the study of a foreign language, then by all means, STUDY THE LANGUAGE. Officers are of course required to become proficient, but family members have an option. TJ and I decided that what would be best for us would be for me to continue working remotely for our first six months in DC, then take a two-month intensive Spanish course right before leaving for Guadalajara. Great in theory, but this course of action resulted in the arguments mentioned above, and, worst of all, a minimal understanding of Spanish on my part. Next time, I'm taking the full course. You should, to.

And this leads us to the final thing everyone should know.

MISTAKES WILL HAPPEN. You just have to roll with the punches and learn from your experiences so that things will run smoothly (hopefully) when you transition to your next post.

Welcome to the Foreign Service Life! Here's Your Apartment!

I wasn't particularly looking forward to posting this entry, but I sorta promised it HERE, so I figured I might as well pony up. I'm hesitant to do this for two reasons: One, photos of other people's apartments are rarely exciting, and two, this really feels like something I should have done seven months ago (WOW! Has it been that long?). That said, I do feel that visual aids are important in making housing decisions, and anyone that is about to join the foreign service may benefit from this post. Plus, I haven't taken ANY photos of Oakwood for myself, so this was a great opportunity. So, without further ado...

This was pretty much our first sight upon arriving at Oakwood. I almost cried. This was definitely NOT our cute little house on the lake. Our new 7 story building looked cold. Sterile. And the fact that it was buried under a couple of feet of snow didn't help matters. TJ did not speak to me as we checked in, obtained our keys, and took our first tour of what would be our apartment for the next nine months. We did not speak for almost an hour. There wasn't much to say. We were both disappointed and afraid of starting a fight.

I say none of this to discourage potential residents. I say it only to educate you. No matter what your living conditions were prior to joining the Foreign Service, they were (hopefully) conditions of your choosing. Leaving that for something chosen for you may be a bit jarring at first.

We got over our hang-ups with time, and came to realize that Oakwood isn't half bad. There are numerous amenities to choose from. One of the most convenient for State Department employees is the availability of shuttle service to and from the Foreign Service Institute, where the majority of your training will occur.

There are also shuttles servicing the closest Metro station, though it is a brisk 10-15 minute walk if you prefer to hoof it.

Oakwood offers a nice-sized pool and jacuzzi, though I don't think I ever saw an adult in the pool that wasn't accompanied by a toddler wearing arm floaties. The pool is so packed in the summertime that a common joke was that you could walk from one end of the pool to the other without getting wet.

Something of note to my southern friends...don't expect the pool to be open year-round. Pools up here are typically open Memorial Day - Labor Day only.

Behind the pool are a decent number of BBQ pits and tables.

The oddest amenity I have ever seen is located beside the pits. I've never seen an apartment complex with its own convenience store, but there you go. Good source of wine and frozen pizza. Only accepts cash though.

In addition to the gym (which I could not take photos of because it was occupied and I didn't want to look creepy), there are four tennis courts, a basketball hoop, and a sand volleyball court. The gym is merely adequate, containing old but working equipment. We haven't made much use of these amenities, as we bought a membership to the Planet Fitness next door. Of course, we haven't made much use of that, either...

As you can see, there's a playground for the little ones. We don't have children (yet), so I've yet to find much use for this...but I think one of the puppies did try to make poo here, once.

Which reminds me, pets are not allowed in the courtyard. Management's definition of what the courtyard is changes day-to-day, but there are puppy stations located throughout the property.

There's a Business Office equipped with two computers and a copy/fax machine. Brunch is served in the club house every Sunday (donuts and OJ). There are two conference rooms available if you need to host a meeting. There's an on-site dry cleaner, though off-site will be cheaper and faster. The staff lacks a certain charm but seems to be improving over time.

I'm gonna stop there, but I do invite your participation...

Have you/do you live at this, or one of the other Oakwood communities? Please feel free to post your thoughts here. Maybe your feedback will help a future Foreign Service family make a housing decision.

365 Challenge, Day 66: Scare Zones

The Halloween season is approaching, and it leaves me a little depressed. Our friend Dan throws an awesome Halloween party every year. To him, Halloween is Christmas. He's a creative guy (he designed the logo for this blog) and goes all out for the event. He will come up with a theme, make decorations, set up lighting, go to work in the wood shop, design costumes, whatever it takes to set the right mood. We missed his party last year due to our Paris vacation, and this year we will miss it because, well, we're here. I wonder if we will always miss it now? Sigh.

Another reason that I'm feeling bummed is that we won't have the opportunity to attend Universal Orlando's Halloween Horror Nights, or Busch Garden's Howl-o-Scream. We always went to the former with our roommate, Kris. The latter is a buried treasure that we discovered just last year with our friends Alfie and Silvio. These Halloween events are always a mixed bag. Sometimes the houses are scary, sometimes they're not. What you can always count on, however, is that there is more to be afraid of than what's inside the houses. The event planners set up "Scare Zones" around the park and between the houses. What this means is that there's always an opportunity to pee your pants waiting just around the next corner. The scare zones consist of fog machines, hay bales, rusty cars, dumpsters, bushes, whatever it takes to set the mood.

I may not be able to attend Dan's party. I may not be able to enjoy the fun at Universal or Busch Gardens. But I can always enjoy a good scare zone.

These dumpsters have been inconveniently parked in some 50-odd parking spaces surrounding the apartment complex for almost as long as we've been here. They are a constant reminder of the never ending construction that is occurring around us. During daylight hours, they are but a nuisance.

At night, it is terrifying to walk past them. Can you say rape/rob/murder? They are the perfect complement to the cemetery right next door (NOTE: To be fair, I am not aware of any violent crimes that have occurred as a result of these dumpsters. All I'm saying is they sure look like the perfect crime scene...).

Oh, and straight out of the Alien ship, take a look at the ceiling of the 7th floor hallway...It's been like that for more than a month now.

I guess I've been kind of hard on Oakwood the last couple of days. Check back later this week or next, when I hope to show a less biased view of the amenities for those of you that may one day call Oakwood your temporary home.

365 Challenge, Day 65: This Home Is Not A House

When TJ and I moved into our first apartment together, we went all out on the decorating. We painted the living room, dining room, kitchen, and hallway in warm autumn colors. We bought new couches, lamps, and a coffee table. My parents bought us the bookshelf that I had had my eye on for months. We adopted the first of two puppies that would eventually ruin all of these things. It was the perfect little apartment. We were going to live there until such a time as we could afford the down payment on a house.

That lasted for about a year and a half. Then the condo conversion craze hit Central Florida, and we were out on the street. We found another apartment in the area that we didn't like nearly as much as the first, and settled in for the next two years. We didn't paint this time. Nor did we complete our home makeover by purchasing the new bedroom furniture that we desperately needed. We had been disheartened by our break-up with the first apartment and didn't want to invest too much time or money in another one. We decided that we would wait until we were homeowners. Until we had a place to call home.

And so it came to pass that in February of 2008 we purchased our little house on the lake. Though in need of a touch up here and there, the house came pre-painted in a color scheme somewhat similar to that of our first apartment. We were in love. We moved in, eager to freshen up the paint and furnish our house with items that let people know it was "ours." We were ready to cultivate a style.

Then the economy tanked (in part due to the incredible failure of the aforementioned condo conversions). TJ was laid off in a series of budget cuts. We now had the house but were lacking the funds to fill it with stuff. That was fine. My income and TJ's severance package/unemployment were more than sufficient to keep up with our bills. It did not, however, leave much wiggle room to showcase any sense of style other than "did you bring that with you from college?" Why yes, as a matter of fact, we did.

Flash forward to today. TJ is gainfully employed. I have willingly left my place of employment to learn a foreign language. We are a couple that is blessed to have very few bills to consider in our monthly budget. In short, we are at a place in our lives where we could make that little yellow house in Orlando into almost anything we wanted it to be. But we don't live there anymore.

We live in temporary housing provided by the US Government. The apartment is completely furnished. The only hint of personal style is our new television (the one they provide is teeny tiny). Oakwood is fine for what it is. The beds are comfortable. Our apartment is spacious. All of our basic kitchen needs are met. It's just not our stuff. It's not what we would choose for ourselves. That's ok, though. It's meant to be temporary. We will be in Guadalajara soon enough. My only concern is that our home there will also be furnished, quite possibly with things that do not say "us." As we will be there for two years, I pray that we take the opportunity to redecorate...to put some Aaron and TJ into it. As Delia Deetz said in Beetlejuice, "If you do not let me gut out this house and make it my own, I will go insane, and I will take you with me!"

I have come to understand that home is what you make it. My home is with TJ and the kitty and the puppies, wherever that may be. That house in Orlando? That's home, too. But right now, it's somebody else's house. We may never live there again. I hope the new occupants consider it home, and are able to decorate it in a manner that suits them. I hope they feel comfortable doing so. We don't plan on turning it into a condo anytime soon.

Oh, and for any of you FSO's or EFM's out there that happen across this blog and are destined for Oakwood, here are a couple of shots of your home-to-be.

Not your style? Don't worry...they're remodeling.

365 Challenge, Day 3: Oakwood Cemetery

I've always been a fan of cemeteries. I'm not dying to move into one anytime soon (I hope), but I do like visiting them. I think they are tragically beautiful. And if you are fortunate enough to find a really old, well maintained cemetery, you are in for an architectural treat.

This particular cemetery is located directly behind our apartment complex here in Falls Church (though, mercifully, we have a pool view). When we first moved here, I would occasionally use my afternoon break from work to take a stroll amongst the graves, as the snow lasted the longest here. Amidst the chaos of my new life, there was something truly serene about the snow-covered cemetery.

Prior to now, I had not been back since the snow melted...and I had never been at night. It was actually quite terrifying, and I never managed to make it beyond the relative safety offered by the lights in our parking lot. I did have one rousing moment of courage that was quickly dispelled by the sight of an old rusty car parked on a hill in the center of the cemetery. I'm sure it belongs to the groundskeeper...right?

Anyway, this particular cemetery is interesting in that it shares its name with our apartment complex: Oakwood. Trouble is, Oakwood is a worldwide provider of temporary furnished housing that shouldn't have much of a connection to a cemetery bearing the same name.

According to a website I found that contains an archive of historic Falls Church photographs, the cemetery was founded in 1799 and is located at the corner of North Roosevelt Street and Roosevelt Boulevard...which is actually where the apartment complex is located.

Was my Oakwood the first Oakwood, taking its name from the cemetery? Was it built on top of a portion of the cemetery? Is this all just a big coincidence?

I don't know, and neither does Wikipedia. If you do, please let me know!

365 Challenge, Day 2: Oakwood Apartments

When your family makes the decision to join the Foreign Service, you do so knowing that you will embark on a journey that, among other things, will see you living in some of the best and worst places the world has to offer.

Oakwood Apartments, located in Falls Church, VA (8.5mi west of Washington, DC) is one place that approximately 1/3 of all foreign service families will live in prior to their first overseas posting. Now, where it falls in the spectrum of best-to-worst places will vary drastically depending on who you ask.

...and with diplomacy in mind, we're gonna call it a night, folks.