Foreign Service Life: Things I Wish I Had Known A Year Ago

Wow, I can't believe it's been a year already. Or should I say that I can't believe it's only been a year?

Two very different statements, to be sure, but both accurately reflect how I feel as I look back on the past 12 months of our lives in the Foreign Service. So much has happened in such a short amount of time that it completely boggles my mind.

When we arrived in Falls Church, VA on February 11, 2010, I had no idea what to expect. All I knew was that I wasn't in Florida anymore.

There were plenty of things I didn't know, though. Things that would have made the past year easier. It's impossible to write a letter to my past self, but I would like to share some things that I feel could be potentially beneficial to new Foreign Service Families.

HOUSING: If you aren't happy at Oakwood, relax. Overseas housing is generally much nicer than your temporary DC abode. I don't make this statement based solely on our experience, but also on the numerous photos I have seen on Facebook and in other FS blogs. Also, don't be discouraged by the decor...make it your own. Some (not all) posts are able to take furniture back to storage. What this means is that you can bring/buy your own stuff to give your new home a splash of personal style. We've recently purchased new couches and a lamp, and will certainly continue adding to the house over time. In fact, we sent back an entire bedroom's worth of stuff in anticipation of a future makeover.

UAB/HHE: Carefully consider what items you place in your Unaccompanied Baggage and Household Effects shipments. We were newbies and had no clue what to do. Our UAB consisted of all of the clothes that wouldn't fit in our suitcases, and all of our pots and pans, linens, and small household appliances. Granted, it took a month longer than it should have for our UAB to arrive, so we were living out of our suitcases anyway....but once the UAB did arrive, we found ourselves wishing we had thrown some movies, books, board games, etc in there. Typically, the Embassy/Consulate will provide you with a welcome kit that contains household essentials like pots and pans, linens, and small household appliances. This is supposed to tide you over until your HHE arrives. What this means is that you don't need to pack this stuff with your UAB. Use your UAB for your clothes and a few fun items to entertain yourself with as you acclimate to your new home and await your larger HHE shipment.

UAB/HHE (Part 2): Oh, and don't be too attached to your stuff. After sitting in a non-climate controlled facility for months, then traveling thousands of miles, you might find that some of your stuff arrives damaged...or in some cases, not at all. We lucked out with minimal damage (mild marring of some cardboard DVD cases), though we've heard some strange stories from other people.

PERSONAL TRANSPORTATION: If you own a car, and are married or partnered, make sure that any vehicle that you want to bring to post is in the officer's name...and do it early. The US government is currently unable/unwilling to ship a vehicle overseas that does not list the FSO as owner or co-owner on the title. If you are an officer and your spouse/partner is sole owner on the title, have the conversation today about either transferring ownership or selling the current vehicle and buying a new one together. Title transfers take time, and this is not something you want to be dealing with any later than two months prior to departure.

EMPLOYMENT: One of our chief concerns in starting this new life was that we would be leaving a life in which we had always been able to carry each other on our insurance policies. As of this writing, same-sex partners (and even unmarried heterosexual couples) are unable to enjoy federal benefit coverage as domestic partners. As such, finding employment at post was crucial. Depending on the post, there will either be several, a couple, or no jobs available. This is something they tell the spouses early on, so as not to create unrealistic expectations. From what I can tell, with rare exception, if you are going to get a job at post, it will happen once you arrive at post. Feel free to apply while in DC, but don't become disheartened if you are not selected to fill a particular position. It may not be your location, not your qualifications, that are limiting you. A bird in hand is worth two in the bush, after all.

EMPLOYMENT (PART 2): I did not want to work in the Embassy/Consulate. No sir, no way, no how. This was TJ's career choice, not mine. I was happy to follow along and reap the benefits of a life abroad, but I didn't want to get absorbed into the government life myself. Sure I needed insurance, so I of course had to work there. But I wasn't going to like it. Except, I do like it. I love it. My current job responsibilities are admittedly routine but undoubtedly interesting. I learn something new every day, get to practice my mediocre Spanish, and contribute to the mission goals in a tangible way. And, after 1.5 months of sitting at home without internet, tv, or, well, anything, it was great to get out of the house and socialize. I have met some of the nicest, most interesting people since I started working at the consulate on December 20th. As comfortable as I was with my life in Orlando, with the handful of good friends that I had there, it's impossible to deny that this new life, especially when you actively participate in mission affairs, allows you to meet a larger quantity, quality, and variety of people than you ever could living in the states....or sitting on your keister at home while the officers do there thing at work. In fact, I should have posted this yesterday, but I was out at a happy hour and tequila tasting with my new office mates.

PETS: Oy, this one is so hard to talk about. I love my babies, I really do. In fact, our ability to bring them with us was one of our selection criteria for our first post. But between having to dope them up on Benadryl (at vet recommendation) and stop every four hours for a potty break to get them to DC last February, and all of the money, stress, and time involved in getting them to Mexico in December, I just simply don't know if we will be able to bring them with us consistently. Mexico was a bit of a hassle because everyone was dealing with a new process, so maybe we'll give it one more go just to be certain...but right now it's not looking so hot. If we don't bring them, I'm going to make grandma take care of them. We love them too much to not keep them in the family. But spending thousands of dollars to ship three pets every two years is untenable. I guess what I can say on the matter is that, as a pet owner, I understand how precious your four legged friends are. Just make sure you are committed to the expenses involved. And if you aren't a pet owner yet, please do your research before taking the leap.

DOMESTIC STAFF: Buyer beware is all I can say about this one. Sometimes you'll find good help. Sometimes you'll find bad help. And sometimes you'll just find good help that will steal your iPad.

PERSONAL IDENTITY: Moving to Falls Church, VA meant that TJ had finally achieved his goal of joining the Foreign Service. But what did the fruition of his goal mean for me? It meant that I had to leave my home, my friends, my job, my life...and what, exactly, did that say about me? At the time, I guess I thought it meant that I was less of a contributor to our family. That what I had to offer wasn't as important. That even I didn't care about my life, if I was so willing to say goodbye to it. Sure, I was excited to partake in the adventure, but part of me felt resentful about the whole thing. It led to a few pretty heated arguments, all of which have thankfully come to a positive, constructive conclusion. Some families aren't so lucky. For all of you trailing spouses, EFMs (Eligible Family Members, and MOHs (Members of Household) out there, all I can say is that you are important. Not just to the officer that you are accompanying, but to the mission as a whole. Your presence should bring peace and happiness to your home. It should create an island in the storm, an escape from the stress of work, a happy reminder of days gone by in a previous life. For the Foreign Service community as a whole, you are a reminder of why the officers are here in the first place: to protect the interests of Americans at home and abroad. You are why they do what they do. Leaving your old life behind doesn't mean that it wasn't important, and it doesn't mean that you have nothing to offer. Anyone that is willing to leave it all behind is a person with strong character and a heart full of love and adventure. Swallow your pride. Your energy can be channeled into something positive, whether that be finding employment, continuing your education, or helping those in need. Never forget that.

LANGUAGE STUDIES: If you are moving to a country that requires the study of a foreign language, then by all means, STUDY THE LANGUAGE. Officers are of course required to become proficient, but family members have an option. TJ and I decided that what would be best for us would be for me to continue working remotely for our first six months in DC, then take a two-month intensive Spanish course right before leaving for Guadalajara. Great in theory, but this course of action resulted in the arguments mentioned above, and, worst of all, a minimal understanding of Spanish on my part. Next time, I'm taking the full course. You should, to.

And this leads us to the final thing everyone should know.

MISTAKES WILL HAPPEN. You just have to roll with the punches and learn from your experiences so that things will run smoothly (hopefully) when you transition to your next post.

Dónde Están los Ladrones?

One of our local friends, Vicente recently exposed me to a sampling of his collection of Spanish-language music. One of the albums was Dónde están los ladrones? (Where are the Thieves?) by Shakira.

Vicente explained that the album title received its inspiration from an unfortunate altercation at an airport in Bogotá, in which a briefcase full of music Shakira had been working on was stolen. Shakira was discouraged and almost quit working on the album, but homegirl just kept on truckin'.

I thought it was certainly a clever title, and a good "F-U" to the culprits.

Unfortunately, last night I found myself in the terrible predicament of being able to ask myself the same question.

We returned home from work to find that both my iPad and TJ's ring were missing. After turning the house on it's head three times, we came to the conclusion that either our housekeeper or our security guard are to blame. Both had access to our home yesterday.

Upon further reflection, it appears that a currently unused iPhone and my favorite watch may also belong on the list of burgled items. Who knows what else is missing? Only time will tell.

The most frustrating thing isn't the invasion of privacy. It's knowing that we can fire the housekeeper, but the guard will still be around. If we are wrong about her, then we are still exposed to the presence of the true culprit AND have seriously impacted another person's livelihood. If we are right about her, it doesn't matter. The guard will never have our trust again.

We have reason to believe that the guard was on duty during two or three other thefts in our community, while the housekeeper is suspected of stealing from three other homes.

None of that matters, though. She is terminated, effective immediately. I can't do anything about the guard, but fortunately nobody ever had access to the deadbolt lock. The lock they had access to will of course be changed ASAP. We have been taken advantage of and will take every precaution to prevent future violation.

As our home is provided by the State Department, I of course cannot comment on any investigation that may or may not occur regarding this matter, other than to say that it is a horrible thing not to feel safe in your own home.

Living in a community surrounded by 10-foot walls topped with barbed wire, with a guard at the gate, you would think I could lock my doors at night and slip comfortably into bed without wondering...¿Dónde están los ladrones?

Puerto Vallarta

For TJ's 30th Birthday Extravaganza we decided to go on a road trip to the American beach town of Puerto Vallarta for an extended weekend (thanks to yet another local holiday).

Puerto Vallarta is locat...what? It's NOT an American beach town? Well, ok, I guess you're right. But I will say that I haven't seen such a large concentration of gringos since my days living in central Texas.

Puerto Vallarta, along with Cozumel and Cancun, is one of the most popular tourist destinations for American travelers. I would encourage any of you in the states that have considered foreign travel but are afraid of the language barrier to give Vallarta a chance. Almost everyone speaks English (which wasn't necessarily a good thing for us, as we wanted to practice our Spanish...at least a little) and the environment is so laid back and relaxed that you'll never want to leave.

I have heard rumblings that some US-based cruise lines have cancelled cruises to PV. Visual evidence to the contrary, Americans aren't travelling here as much as they used to. They are afraid of the narco violence. To anyone reading this, I implore you: don't let fear rule your life. Vallarta is as safe as any of the other port towns your cruise ship will dock in. Violence on the border does not equal violence on the beach.

Anyway, Puerto Vallarta is a 365 kilometer drive from Guadalajara, and to get there you have to drive northwest for a while, then zig-zag through the mountains before heading southwest, ultimately arriving at a location that is directly west of Guadalajara. Most of that zig-zagging occurs on a two-lane road, and travel times will vary widely depending on time of day. For us, it was a six hour drive going and a four hour drive returning. (Tip: mid-morning travel is highly recommended). Despite the distance, the ride is a pleasant one filled with beautiful landscapes.

Now, for the beach...I've never been much of a beach person. Living in Florida for seven years, I think I went to Daytona and Miami Beach once each. My three trips to Key West never saw me setting foot on the shore.

With that said, I LOVE PUERTO VALLARTA!

Despite a day trip here and there, TJ and I haven't had a vacation to speak of since before this crazy Foreign Service life began. In fact, we're about to hit our one-year FS anniversary (stay tuned for a future post regarding that!) so a 3-night getaway was a welcome break from the day-to-day.

The beaches were gorgeous; Busy, but not crowded. The bars and clubs were fun; Crowded, but not overflowing. The restaurants were amazing; delicious, but not expensive. In fact, we discovered a new favorite dish (stay tuned for another future post regarding that!). I got the most amazing massage. Soaked in a little sun. Walked along the shore and just felt...at peace.

Vallarta is definitely somewhere to which I would like to return. And soon.

The area that we stayed (Playa de los Muertos) was bustling with activity of an artistic nature along the shoreline. There were sporadic sidewalk art shows, random beachside demonstations, inumerable art galleries, and dozens of permanent scultptures to be explored. Every turn of the head provided some new hidden treasure.

Here are a few of them.

(Oh, and for anybody that's wondering...no, he never did get that particular rock to balance. But I was quite impressed with the upper body strength it must have required to even lift it in the first place.)

This trip provided such sheer and utter physical relaxation and visual stimulaton that I somehow managed to walk away without capturing a single picture of us. Either that, or the fact that we're too self-conscious to take beach pics. Oh well. I guess that means we have to go back!

Wish I was here...maybe soon

Lucha Libre

I'll admit it...I used to get a kick out of watching American wrestling when I was 18 or so. I thought it was fun. That was until the WCW came to town during freshman year of college. We all know it's fake. But seeing it in person? Woof. It was so ridiculous that I decided then and there to stop rotting my brain with such nonsense.

That was, of course, many years ago, and while I have kept my promise of no longer watching American wrestling, a sick curiosity has pervaded my consciousness since the day we arrived in Mexico. I have been dying to see Lucha Libre. And last Tuesday, I finally did.

Lucha Libre (translation: free fighting/wrestling) is a form of professional wrestling in Mexico and other Spanish speaking countries that utilizes various mock combat theatrics to entertain the audience while simulating an authentic wrestling match.

Basically, it's like the WWF, WCW and ECW in the US...but with colorful masks and even more grandiose costumes. Oh, and the occasional curse word thrown from one audience member to another, for good measure. Poor TJ made the mistake of wearing a pink sweater to the event, and was branded "puta en la rosa" for the duration. Audience members siting ringside will sporadically turn to face those sitting in the cheap seats and berate them with chants of "Pobres, Pobres," followed by a colorful suggestion of what they can do with their mothers.

The great thing about Luchadores is that they don't weigh the action down with nonsensical telenovela-style drama like the wrestlers in the US. They hop in the ring, get introduced, and then lay the smack down. Nobody cares who holds the title belt, who has formed an alliance with who, or whether or not the mysterious disguised stranger is actually a well-known wrestler out for a comeback or revenge or whatever.

Or maybe they do. I'm still working on my Spanish comprehension.

What I do know is that there isn't a lot of talking and bellyaching. When you go see a fight, you definitely see a fight, choreographed though it may be. But you know what? The outfits, the environment, the fans...it's all so charmingly absurd that it doesn't matter if it's real or not.

Perhaps there are a few wrestling organizations in the US that could take a page from this book.

For those of you in the USA interested in Lucha Libre, I suggest checking out this site for local listings, merchandise, and tour information.

As for me...I'll definitely be going again soon. This, I can rot my brain with.

Guadalajara's Top 20, Number 4: Tlaquepaque

As much fun as Tonalá was last week, our excursion to Tlaquepaque yesterday was even better.

Whereas Tonalá features streets and streets and more streets full of arts, crafts, and furniture tucked into every nook, cranny, and pop-up tent available, the majority of business conducted in Tlaquepaque is done through artisan shops and galleries.

(Because of this, you can't really take photos in the stores. So, for your enjoyment, I present a random sampling of photos that have nothing to do with this blog save for having been taken on the streets of the city in question.)

Tonalá is where a large percentage of the goods sold in Tlaquepaque are made, and because of this, Tonalá has more of an industrial, salt of the earth feel to it, while Tlaquepaque is afforded all the glitz and glamour of a tourist town.

Tonalá is where you go if you want to bargain shop. Tlaquepaque is where you go to show your family and friends just how beautiful and cultured your new Mexican home actually is. It must be said, however, that although the prices in Tlaquepaque may be higher than those in Tonalá, you'll still find better deals than you would stateside. And the quality is amazing.

Shopping in Tonalá is like shopping at Wal-Mart. Because of the lower prices, you have to elbow your way past throngs of bargain hunters at all hours of the day. You want to get in and get out as fast as possible. But shopping in Tlaquepaque is like shopping at Target. The aisles are wider, there are less people, and the price-to-quality ratio is pretty awesome. You could spend all day there. And because of this, Tlaquepaque is dangerous.

We purposefully went the week before payday so that we would be able to window shop instead of impulse buy. That said, we still managed to walk away with visions of four-poster beds, Chihuly-style chandeliers, and various knick-knacks that we probably don't need but will eventually buy anyway.

Shopping in Mexico is like being trapped in the

Phantom Zone. You don't know how to make it stop.

Our First Tu B'Shevat (And Recipes!)

Happy Tu B'Shevat, Everyone!'

"..."

Wait. What?

Tu B'Shevat is the day that marks the beginning of the Jewish "New Year for Trees," and occurs every year on the 15th day of Shevat. It is during this time of year that the earliest-blooming trees in Israel awaken from their winter hibernation and begin a new fruit-bearing cycle.

The day is celebrated by eating fruits (especially the kinds identified in the Torah: grapes, figs, pomegranates, olives, and dates) and planting trees.

Celebrating any holiday in the Foreign Service always turns out a little differently than it would if you were back home, and this one was no exception.

In order to make any change to your home, you must first obtain permission from the GSO (General Service Officer), who must in turn obtain permission from the landlord. The US Government doesn't own these properties, and neither do the officers, after all. Permission was easily obtained, however, as you are quite unlikely to find a landlord that would not think it's a good idea to let the tenant improve the property. With the tree taken care of, it was time to move on to the yum-yums.

Going to the grocery store in a foreign country isn't as easy as it is in the United States. Well, perhaps that's a misconception. I suppose it's quite easy for the locals to go to the grocery store. The trouble is that things that are popular at home might not be popular in a foreign country, and product locations/availability will vary as a result.

And so it was that I found a delicious sounding recipe for a 15-fruit salad (to commemorate this 15th day of Shevat) and another for apricot chicken (which I must really love, because I just realized that I made a variation of it on Rosh Hashanah). And then I went to the store and couldn't find 15% of what I needed for the fruit salad. And so I improvised. And then I came home, and realized that I couldn't find the apricot chicken recipe. And so I improvised some more. Did a pretty darned good job, if I do say so myself.

It's funny, as I thought the first time I shared a recipe on this blog, it would be Mexican cuisine. I actually have that recipe all picked out and everything. But that's just not the way it was meant to be, I suppose.

15-Fruit Salad

The great thing about a fruit salad is that you can put whatever you want, in whatever quantity you desire, in it. Here's what sounded good to me:

10 Figs

2 Anjou Pears

2 Bananas

2 Kiwis

1 Gala Apple

1 Granny Smith Apple

1 Grapefruit

1 Orange

1/2 Cantaloupe

2 cups, Strawberries

2 handfuls, Green Grapes

2 handfuls, Red Grapes

1 can, Pineapple

1 cup, Blueberries

1/2 jar, Maraschino Cherries

Directions: Cut/Dice fruits into chunks, then hand-toss fruit in the following mixture:

1/2 cup, Fresh Squeezed Orange Juice

2 tbs, Pineapple Juice (from can)

1 tbs, Maraschino Cherry juice (from jar)

Let salad marinate in refrigerator for one hour before serving.

Baked Apricot Chicken

1-2 lbs Chicken Breast

1 jar, Apricot Marmalade

1/2 cup, Sour Cream

Salt

Pepper

Ground Cinnamon

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Farenheit (175 degrees Celsius).

Combine sour cream and marmalade in a small bowl, mix until consistent. Add salt, pepper, and cinnamon to taste.

Place chicken breasts in a baking dish, cover with sauce. Cover in foil, bake for 20 minutes. Remove foil, bake for another 10 minutes.

Sprinkle with additional cinnamon, if desired.

Dinner is served!

Guadalajara's Top 20, Number 3: Tonalá

Life in a foreign land becomes infinitely more fun once your car arrives. Not just because it means you no longer have to walk to Wal-Mart, but also because you are now able to visit all of those local haunts you've been hearing so much about. We visited one such place this past weekend:

Tonalá

Tonalá, one of Guadalajara's eight municipalities, plays host to a giant street market every Thursday and Sunday. If you visit the bustling town on one such day, you will find yourself drowning in a sea of ceramics, pottery, glassware, and more handcrafted works of art than you can shake a stick at. There are lots of permanent shops that you can patronize throughout the week, but market days are where all the action is.

The glass shop was one of our first stops. Although we were

just browsing this time around, I see a purchase or 12 in the

near future (Click here for more glass blowing photos from the

Texas Renaissance Festival).

Outdoor vs. Indoor shopping...

Gorgeous, no?

Candy, pastries, and authentic Mexican food aplenty. Didn't get any shots

of the real food, as people were eating. It would have been rude. I promise

that I will eat next time, so I can share better visuals. Yes, it's true, no

sacrifice is too big for my readers.

Statue of Queen Cihualpilli in Plaza Cihualpilli. Not only did she lead her people in a successful campaign against Spanish conquistador Nuño de Guzmán, but her majesty also encouraged her people to create various arts and crafts, including exquisite gold jewelry. She's the perfect fixture in this market town.

Templo del Santuario del Sagrado Corazón - "The Sacred Heart Church"

-Located in Plaza Cihualpilli

Doesn't Tonalá sound (and look) like an amazing place to visit?

Good. Because it is. But what you have seen so far is nothing more than what any tourist could stumble across. One of the most important things a Foreign Service family (or any American traveller, really) can do is to refrain from taking the easy route and only befriending similar folks - i.e. other Americans. Interact with the locals. They can show you things that a tourist wouldn't even think to think about.

Take this door for instance. It's pretty, yes. But as I worked my way through the crowds, gawking at all of the homemade crafts, I doubt I would have noticed it at all, let alone wondered what was behind it.

But because we have taken the time to befriend locals, we now know that, behind the chaos of the marketplace, you might find beautiful courtyards like this one:

Where people are serving birthday cakes like these:

...and wearing fancy clothes...like...these?!?

Don't freak out people, it was a party. People do weird stuff during parties. The point is, get out there and meet people. Learn about another culture. Find out what the locals do, not just what the tourists like to see. Remember: If you're living abroad, you're not just a tourist anymore. You need to find out what's behind that giant door.